My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
