So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
