In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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