the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize
