I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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