Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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