so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
