I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
no you cant smoke seaweed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
