Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I die, sorry about rent.
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