i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
