I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
