i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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