Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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