The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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