Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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