i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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