Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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