careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
