but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
