Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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