awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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