I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize