I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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