If i come over, it means nothing
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
