I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
