Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
