Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
