I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
