just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
