She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
