very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
