Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
