god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
