I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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