she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We don't watch enough power rangers
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
