You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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