Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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