yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
