to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
