im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she told me i tasted like america
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
