i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
