You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize