You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
