wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
