I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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