You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
