she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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