I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
honey bunches of taint.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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