In the future we'll all be gay
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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