Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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