i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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