The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
