Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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