I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
