i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
