I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
