She is in my trunk
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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