her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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