remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
