His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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