Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
