my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
