I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
