:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
