you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
