We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
