Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
