I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
