wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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