Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
