is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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