Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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